I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
