Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
