I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
