HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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