weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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