Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
