I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
