I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
