party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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