Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize