the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
