You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
