my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
where does the pee come out of this thing
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Randomize
