We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
