i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
