Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
