my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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