There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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