Plan B is the new Plan A
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
