I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
operation harelip BJ is a go
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
