I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
