They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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