Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
