Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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