You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
