I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You've changed since you got that strap on
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
