Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
