Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
