So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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