She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I smell like Dick and happiness
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
