: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
