After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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