Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
