Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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