you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
