On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
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