Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
