He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
false alarm, still single
Randomize