somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Randomize
