haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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