Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
