He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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