Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
