U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
