the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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