im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
