How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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