I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
She made me pour olive oil on her.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
