she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
