It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize