he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
