Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
