Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
