Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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