I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
