That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
