If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
