Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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