she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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