Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
