you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
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