I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
