apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
We need to get me chipped asap
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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