god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
