i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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