Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
