There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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