I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
