haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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