I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
