There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
