and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
