with your own penis?
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
