sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
