You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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